5 Things I learned about self care this weekend

I teach and live by the idea that you can't give away (or teach) what you don't already have and this weekend, after a busy week of seeing coaching clients and presenting a Life Purpose by Design workshop, I could feel that self care was needed.

We've all heard the term "self care" but what does it really mean? How do you do it? How don't you do it? Here are some thoughts on what I've learned coaching clients and myself in self care:

1. It's not about buying stuff. I've heard people say to others who are having a bad day or who are feeling neglected, "you should go out and buy yourself something special." This is not self care. Buying stuff doesn't mean you're taking care of yourself it means you're spending money -  and sometimes that can even mean you're harming yourself. Buying yourself something to make yourself feel better only works for about 3 minutes. After that you're back to the feeling you started with.

It may be appropriate to buy something in the process of self care. For example if you've neglected your grooming and you need to purchase a nail polish to do your nails that is appropriate, provided you have the financial means to do so.

2. It's about listening to what you need. People usually become acutely aware of needing self care when they've been disconnected from hearing their own voice about what they need...for whatever reason. The first step in self care is to get quiet and listen  to the inner voice for what you need. It may be a nap. It may be a cup of warm tea. It may be being kind to yourself in your self talk and intentionally interrupting patterns of negative self talk. You may need to pray or meditate. Getting quiet so you can hear what you need is the place to start and then ask yourself, "What do I need to do for myself in this moment to feel better?" (If you hear "alcohol" you're listening to the wrong voice :))

One of my strategies is spending time in nature.
Here I visited my friend's horse farm in Florida.

3. Men and women experience different awareness of their needs. The more stressed a man gets the better he understands his needs and takes care of them. Evidence for this can be seen by the fact that most men have the ability to take a nap, in the middle of the day, on the couch with the kids all running around the house yelling and screaming. Most women can't. In fact, as a rule, women become more and more disconnected from what they need the more stressed they become. That is why it's important to get really quiet, sit down and refer to No 2.

4. It may take a while to feel rejuvenated. If you've gotten to the place where you're exhausted and craving self care you will probably feel depleted and weepy for no particular reason and maybe even physically weak. It's going to take a while to get back to your springy, vibrant self so be patient.

5. Consistency is key - again! Taking care of your needs is about taking responsibility for your emotional and physical health ...and not expecting others to. Having a consistent plan to do so is really smart. If you're like me with a lot of people relying on you, you should make sure to create some consistent times in the day to reconnect with yourself and ensure that you are emotionally and physically balanced and nourished. Exercise, prayer, meditation, connecting with good friends, herbal tea, healthy snacks, getting out of the office for a walk are all strategies that I use to keep myself in balance.

Do you need to learn how to care for yourself. Has this somehow gotten away from you? Are you completely at a loss as to how you might even start?
I can help you. Visit my life coaching website and sign up for a FREE CONSULTATION.

5 Things I learned from Diets

Over the years I have read at least a dozen books on dieting and nutrition. I have also, both in my life coaching practice and in my personal life, observed friends and family try one diet or another. My father-in-law, bless his heart, tried even the most extreme diets in an effort to reduce the extra 100 lbs or so, that he carried with him.

Here are 5 life lessons I've learned from diets:

1. You have to stick with it. Except for those diets where you only eat one food for days on end, most diets offer you the realistic opportunity of losing weight but, like with most things in life, you have to stick with it. You can't give it a mediocre effort and expect outstanding results.

2. Use your common sense. Yes, the cookie diet may help you loose 10 pounds in 2 days but really, should you?

3. Be discerning about what you commit to. Following on from point No. 2 its' also a good idea to really think about things like timing, how this choice might effect your health in the short term and the long term and how this will impact your life in the broader sense. For example, will you be able to eat out or at other people's houses? How will you make it easy for other's to accommodate your food choices? Don't just make commitments willy nilly. When you make a commitment and then break it because you really didn't think it through, you set yourself up for disappointment and a belief that "you can't stick to it".

4. Delayed Gratification.  I often notice, when I'm in the checkout line, that magazines are still printing articles along the lines of "Lose 10 pounds in 2 Weeks" and yes, it is possible but we all know that the diet will be extreme and not sustainable. Losing weight, in a healthy sustainable way, requires all of the above and a commitment to delayed gratification. Putting down the chocolate cake and enjoying the rewards maybe several days later of looking and feeling good.

5. We overestimate what we can achieve in a day and underestimate what we can achieve in a year. Small consistent baby steps in the right direction is the secret to success in most everything, dieting included.

I would love to help you be successful in your life. Please visit my website at

NickyRobertsCoaching.com to learn more.


If you are looking for help specifically with diet and exercise here are some fantastic wellness coaches who I am very happy to recommend:

Here in Sarasota is Tomasin Marshall. You can connect with Tomasin on Facebook and on her website Kingdom Momentum

Tomasin training on the beach

Hanna Goss is in the North Carolina area and you can find her on Facebook and at her website Goss Coaching











Lori Wardell is also a wellness coach. She lives in California. You can find Lori on Facebook

5 Things I Learned from Byron Katie

Link to Byron Katie's Book I Need Your Love -Is that True

I've read a few of Byron Katie's books. My favorite is "I Need Your Love - Is That True".
Here are 5 things I've learned from Byron Katie in this book.

1. Examine the thoughts you think. I go often write my thoughts down in my journal, especially when they are accompanied by strong emotions, so that I can see them out in front of me and really explore them. It's amazing the junk that I think sometimes!

2. Defense is the first act of war. This one took me quite a while to make peace with but it's proven to be a really solid life lesson. At first I had to just come to terms with how much I defended myself and then slowly, I learned to practice not defending myself. It's still a work in progress.

3. Is that True? It's amazing how this little question really shifted my orientation about my beliefs. Asking yourself, "Is this true?" after making a statement about an emotion, an opinion or even an event is a unique and enlightening way of interacting and processing daily life.

4. How is "making an impression" influencing my behavior? One of the things Byron Katie is very, very good at is asking questions or offering a perspective that deeply examines our motivations and the result of those motivations. When I got some clarity on how my need to influence and impress others was motivating not only social situations but career and financial choices it really freed me up to make choices more aligned with who I am at my core and live a more authentic life.

5. Mind your own business. Under the guise of caring we get involved everyone else's shizzle and drama. It feels good to be needed, it feels good to feel that at least our lives are not as messed up as theirs. It creates a distraction and even feelings of superiority. See the problem?

Reading this book is a really good idea. I recommend it to my clients regularly. It's an even better idea to read the book and work through it with a friend, family member or a Certified Life Coach...like me :)

I would love to work with you so visit my website and see if you would like to work with me too.

5 Things I learned from my Life Coach

I met my first life coach, Coach Camille, at Date With Destiny. She was insightful, tough and really transformed the way I felt about myself and the way I showed up in life.

Looking back, here are 5 key takeaways that really helped me shift.

1. I am resourceful.
I always had a story about how I couldn't do certain things. How helpless I was. I couldn't make friends, I couldn't solve certain problems, I couldn't loose weight, I couldn't earn more money. All my life most of the people around me would agree and commiserate with me in my complaining. Friends would agree that the economy was in bad shape or that it was difficult to make friends or losing weight just got more difficult the older we got. Coach Camille said, "That's BS! You are very resourceful. I'm confidant you'll figure this out."

2. There are safe problems and quality problems. 
I must have done lot of complaining during those sessions with my coach because here again I was bemoaning something and very quickly Coach Camille stopped me in my tracks and said, "This is not a quality problem. This is a problem that you continue to perpetuate because it feels safer not to solve it."

3. Set yourself up for success. 
For some reason I thought I could go from zero to hero in just a few short leaps and with the result being that I would invariably fall flat on my face demotivated and slightly miserable. My coach quickly pointed out that I needed to take smaller steps and set myself up for success by making them easily achievable.

4. Stop telling stories.
This was an blinding moment of realization. In fact when she first told me that what I was telling her was "just my story" I didn't know how to respond, I was dumfounded. What do I say if I don't tell my stories? (Yes, I was that unconscious.) I soon recovered from this shocking piece of insight and discovered that my life, and I,  didn't need any of the drama and embellishment I lathered on it in an attempt to illicit sympathy and connection and that the result is quite beautiful and authentic when I tell the truth.

5. Measure and celebrate success. 
When I started being coached I was so bad at this part that I even asked my coach what it meant to celebrate a success and could she give me some ideas on how to do it. I even googled How To Celebrate, when she replied, "You are resourceful, you'll figure it out" and wrote a list of ways I could celebrate.
Measuring was also a huge step. I had never paid attention to how I was doing well but always had an excellent accounting of how much I screwed up.

So, looking at your own life, how might these 5 life coaching lessons help you shift and transform your life?

To get started on your own transformation click here for a Free Consultation